The Very Contents of Your Soul
by Asa Valkyrie
Summary: The life and times of Sirius and Remus' relationship.


"So... when's your boyfriend going to meet the family?" Remus said with a wry smile, placing his hand on Sirius' shoulder as Sirius entered the family-tree tapestry room.

"Whenever you go to hell," Sirius' eyes glanced towards him as a disclaimer as the faintest trace of a smile back came upon him. He walked away towards the corner, letting Remus' hand fall to his side, "or join the Death Eaters. Pick your poison," he remarked snidly, an edge to his voice. The smallest things set him off these days...

"You know, Molly's, uhh... Molly wanted me to talk to you. She said you've been telling Harry too much."

"Mmm. Well, I'm not surprised after what she lets her other children know. Completely unaware, is what they are. Two parents working in the Ministry, and they're as ignorant as bloody Muggles."

"Well, I don't have much experience myself in the field of parenthood, but one would assume she's merely acting on her motherly instinct to protect her young, wouldn't you agree?"

"I'm acting on my fatherly instinct," defended Sirius.

"It's interesting you'd say that," Remus noted casually, strolling around the room, glancing at the various names adorned in silver thread, the background the same evergreen that marked the house in Hogwarts most known for their strife with other houses, pureblood mania, and ability to deceive others however they pleased to satisfy their every self-centred desire. Slytherin. "Molly's been saying you two are more like brothers. She seems to be under the impression that you were replacing James with Harry-"

"I AM DOING NO SUCH THING!" Sirius bellowed, his sharp grey eyes intensely staring into Remus' amber ones, who had stopped his ambling and stood staring back across the door.

"Sirius..." he trailed in a subtle warning. It was the holidays, and during such a sensitive time as well, with Arthur almost dying, and Harry shaken at the vision that lead Ministry officials to him.

"MUFFLIATO!" he roared, whipping around to aim his wand at the dark-brown door with the silver serpent knob, which slammed forcefully.

"Sirius, I didn't mean to-"

"YOU DON'T KNOW, REMUS. YOU DON'T!"

Giving him a look of slight astonishment, he dropped his jaw subconsciously and let out a slight laugh of absurdity. He didn't know? "He was my friend too, remember? It seems you've forgotten that."

He unconsciously started to advance toward Remus. "Yeah, well he didn't exactly mean too much to you, did he? No, you and your rationalizations, everything's just lovely, isn't it? The ends always justify the means! Lily and James' death was just bloody FINE-"

"Now you listen to me-" Remus spat. This was absolutely sickening. From whom could he have deduced such rubbish?

"Oh, I've listened to you, Remus, and I hear you loud and clear." He heard Remus' back meet the wall.

"Hey!" A shrill voice screamed, panicked, from the other side of the door. It was Molly. "WHAT IN MERLIN'S BEARD IS GOING ON IN THERE?"

Sirius silently issued a spell from his wand, which, when it hit the door, seemed to fortify both the door itself and muffling incantation.

Remus took a deep breath, so suddenly engulfed in rage, it was hard to swallow everything he'd like to say. In a harsh whisper, he declared, "Don't you DARE." he emphasized, shoving Sirius out of his face and moving away from the wall, "Don't you dare say I think Lily and James' death meant nothing. Infact, it meant everything. It meant Harry's SAFETY, AND IF YOU SO MUCH AS THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT HARRY MEANS NOTHING TO ME-"

"Oh, that's exactly what I think. You're WILLING to keep him ignorant of Voldemort's plans, when he, of all people, should be the FIRST to know, y'know... considering he's only the number-one target of the worst mass-murderer in the history of the world," his voice reaking of sarcasm, "just to fulfill some idiot woman's fantasy of keeping her children safe and blissfully ignorant of the horrors that lie outside their front door?"

"So instead you want me to fulfill the wishes of an idiot madman who puts himself in as much danger as Molly protects her children in order to pretend that his reckless best friend lives on in his son?"

Sirius swung his fist with all his strength at Remus, who ducked in the nick of time, using this diversion to swing around and nail him in the cheek as he fell. A small cry came from Sirius' throat, but he was quick to recover. Just as Remus pulled his arm away, Sirius hooked his arm right around to punch Remus in the nose. Hard.

Then, a couple things happened at once. Remus yelped in pain as red liquid sprayed from his nose. One hand went straight to his face, and the other pushed Sirius away.

Molly had also, with the assistance of Hermione, removed the fortifying incantation and with a confident cry of "Bombarda!", Molly burst through the door with Harry, Hermione, and Ron following closely behind, surveying the situation.

Sirius grabbed his wand, but Molly quickly shouted "Expelliarmus!"

He then dove for Remus as his wand flew to the other side of the room. Sirius was caught in time by Molly, who held him in an arm-lock, a technique she learned to manuever quite well after raising six boys and one girl.

"LET GO OF ME!" Sirius demanded, struggling to free himself of Molly's restraining hold.

"Not until you stop trying to lunge at Remus and explain yourself! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO HIS NOSE!" she exclaimed.

Neither Remus or Sirius spoke, other than Sirius' grunts of exhaustion after pulling against Molly's unyielding arms of steel, and the occasional, "GET OFF ME!"

"Just tell me what happened, and I'll let you go, so long as you don't hurt Remus or anybody else." Her voice was cold with seemed to be proof of all the stewing allegations she had thrown at him all these years like a blackjack, annexing complaint after complaint into one magnanimous problem- his existence.

Sirius looked Remus straight in the eyes and said with loathing, "Wolfsbane's no cure for all the depravity inside you." Finally, he shoved Molly backwards and stormed out towards the stairs, while Harmione's jaw dropped and Ron's eyes scrunched in awe of such an insult.

Remus quickly followed him out the door, completely shocked at both what he had said and what he was about to do now. Harry jogged after Remus.

"No, Sirius- you can't. SIRIUS!"

One glimpse of his black locks, and the door slammed like the first crack of thunder in a brewing storm of anxiety.

Remus, barely aware that Harry was right beside him, ran back to Molly, the blood from his nose dripping onto the carpet as he did so.

"He's gone," he said absently, as though he'd suffered a dementor's kiss. His soul was gone; his only love, probably half-way back to Azkaban to await the swarm of dementors hungry to rip his soul from his heart, as they stood there frozen. Surely, he didn't understand the fatal risks involved. Or did he just not care?

"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear," she frantically repeated as her usual rosy colour drained from her face.

She turned to Harry, Ron, and Hermione, whom she instructed to go down to Kingsley, who was eating late lunch in the kitchen, and fill him in. Then, he will inform Nigellus Black, a former Headmaster of Hogwarts whose portrait connected 12 Grimmauld Place with the office of the current headmaster, Albus Dumbledore.

Hermione and Ron turned to go, but didn't wait up when Harry remained behind Mrs. Weasely, barely in the doorway of the family-tree room. They knew he'd do this.

Remus had resorted to pacing moderately around the claustrophobic room. When he reached the spot where Sirius had nearly cornered him, he slid down the wall slowly, his hand on his head. It was all he could do to keep from crying.

"Remus, what happened?" Mrs. Weasley asked for the up-teenth time.

"Just keep out of this, Molly" he said quietly, trying to remain calm as he wiped the trickle of blood off his lips and chin. He could taste the iron, saltiness of what had been Sirius' pure rage.

"But-"

"You're the one who told me to talk to him, okay?"

"He punched you because I asked you to talk to him about you-know-what?" She eyed Harry.

"He's... he's been cooped up here, feeling absolutely abominably useless for almost half his life. Twelve years in Azkaban for a crime that he didn't commit, and his only compensation is to become a prisoner in a house he grew to hate his family in? A house that reminds him every waking moment of how he was quarantined from the rest of his family for being the only noble soul there? You know where he went after he ran away, Molly? The Potters. They were his second home, his first being Hogwarts, of course. James has been on Sirius' mind a lot more than usual, and he surely has his reasons. So, yes, his natural instinct is to look at Harry and see James. We all do, in one way or another." He gave a weak smile at Harry, who looked to the dusty carpet.

"Remus..." She looked at Harry, uneasy.

"No, Molly. Sirius was right. We need to keep him informed."

"Look, Remus-"

"He doesn't need to be practically inducted into the Order; that's not what I'm saying. But you need to realize that we are protecting Harry by keeping him updated."

Remus looked through the lavish, singed tapestry where Sirius used to be, into the distance with his misty, amber eyes with a sense of finality.

Mrs. Weasely walked off awkwardly, not sure if her authority was undermined by sympathy, and clueless as to what else they could do.

Looking at Remus, Harry was a jumble of emotions.

"We should look for him," Harry said determinedly.

Remus almost smiled in admiration at the unwavering determination in Harry. He was so much like James...

"No..." his voice trailed, not looking at Harry, but at something very, very far away. "If Sirius doesn't want to be found, he won't be. It's best to just hope a miraculous drop of common sense overcomes his flood of emotions."

"Where do you think he went?"

"Oh, a few places come to mind..."

Harry waited for him to elaborate, but Remus continued to further analyze the wall's contents.

"But what if-"

"Harry, Sirius can fend for himself, and if he happens to get caught, which is highly, highly unlikely, then I'm sure Dumbledore can, or we can only hope, make Fudge listen."

"...Why didn't you use magic if you were fighting?"

"Some fights, as you may one day find out, are... too personal. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some highly-nostalgic memories I cannot bear to repress any longer."

And with that, Remus once again fixated his eyes upon the only part of the tree that acknowledged the Black family's eldest son- a brutal burn and a silver ribbon below it inscribed with his name.

Sirius.


End file.
